The Beginning of Summer

It is six days into the summer, and things are already not going well.

A little time to myself in the Two Lions, with the simple intent to soak up the atmosphere a little, turned distinctly sour. That bloody Sayaki, with his big words and big threats, but nothing to back it up. With so much having happened lately, I was not in the mood to back down and play the submissive little girl that he seemed to want. I am not scared of him, and I had no intention of behaving like it to satisfy his ego.

The throbbing pain in my shoulder might initally indicate that was a mistake. I had not credited him with much intelligence, and was honestly expecting to recieve a slap across the face when I kept verbally pushing him, but the pulling the dagger in response to me simply following him to the door came as quite a surprise.

Not that the pain wasn't worth it. In many ways, I think I might have been lucky as the blade sank itself into my shoulder. The greatest irony is that the thick fabrics of the kimono I was wearing, a style from the poor man's own culture, probably helped dent the impact of the blow.

But panic quickly gripped the bar, and as the first Cloak came rushing in, he went running out. Dozens of witnesses to him stabbing a denfenseless woman, and running from a Cloak as well... It is quite satisfying when stupidity sorts itself out.

Particularly as I was worried I might have to take that nuisance into my own hands: a job that did not bring me much thought of joy at all.

New Beginnings

For the first time since I was stabbed at the masquerade ball, I feel healthy. There isn't a constant weariness to everything, simply standing is no longer a strain and, thank the Six, the hallucinations have stopped. I had forgotten how nice is was not to have to worry about a seemingly unavoidable death at the hands of this sickness.

I should have been cured earlier. My health now is no thanks to that little tart, getting herself cured only to then get both sick again and pregnant. Stupid little girl; she did not deserve the second chance, it should have gone to someone who had yet to prove themselves so selfish and irresponsible.

But at least I am well now, and my business seems to be preforming plenty well enough. I need to drum up more, though, and keep the momentum going. Establish myself firmly as being the better to the man who wishes to ruin me. Regardless, things are looking a lot less dire than they were so shortly ago.

The news that came with the cure, however, that I am less certain how to take. Another beginning, and one that is needed, and I have wanted... But the price might be a little high. Still, I have sworn myself in service and I do not regret that; I will serve the will of the Six, and face whatever it is that is needed from me with the best of my abilities.

I just fear I might regret it later, when blood has been spilled.

A Pair of Problems

Of the myriad of things that have been troubling me lately, from the plague to the Cloaks to the dwindling funds, there are two that have been playing in my mind most pressingly.

Two men, both of whom seem to want me destroyed but for entirely different reasons. Well, that is not entirely true, both have very little reason for their threats and condescending attitudes. Not as I see the situation, anyway. But that is somewhat beside the point, in the end.

The first of them wishes me out of business because of one conversation in which my bad mood, brought on by this lingering illness and the tiredness that comes with it, combined with my unfortunate opinions of the man in question and I was a little rude to him. Now, it seems, a groveling apology and a public humiliation of myself is not enough to make him change his mind, and I can only see him becoming an increasing thorn in my side. The fact of his nobility only serves to make the situation more dangerous and difficult to deal with.

The second I am more worried about, as he has a greater ability to directly ruin me, though I don't know if he realises it. His reasons for being so hateful are rather more simple: blind prejudice along with information that he should not be in possession of (and indeed, I have no idea how he got a hold on it). It is that information I don't want anyone to have, and I will do almost anything to ensure it doesn't spread. However, of the two he should be the one more easy to deal with, and in fact I have already begun the process of making sure he does not develop into a larger issue; he lacked credibility even before I made a few carefully placed statements about him to various individuals.

I am hoping both, in time, can be dealt with delicately, or at least finally. I do not like being threatened. I haven't fought to be where I am now to lose it all to either of these petty men.

Halmer's Disappointing Things

I used to run a shop. I used to run a shop well. It made a decent amount of money; I was successful. When did that change? When did I become the woman that has to scrape together all her savings for the deposit on a stall? When did I become the woman who stands at the side of the road in a storm, trying to ignore the cold and wet that bites through her cloak and puts on a smile, attempting to convince passers-by that they even want to look, never mind buy?

I don't know, but I have. It's so much less than I deserve but it's got to work; it's got to. I don't have the savings for a second chance.

Of course, it might not matter. Halmer's Prettiest Things could become the most successful thing Seahaven has ever seen or burn to the ground tomorrow and I'd still be dying. The plague's grip on me seems to be getting ever tighter; I drink anything anyone gives me to relieve the symptoms for a little while, but they're back again sooner every time. I have never felt this ill before; I am just praying to the Six for the strength to do better than my father, to keep fighting it.

All the talk of a cure being here soon doesn't help. For everything everyone has been saying, I've not seen anything come of it. Not myself. But I suppose I just have to hope that their searches are on the right path, that it really is to come as soon as they suggests, because I really, really don't want to die. Not like this, at least.

It's not the death that's meant for me, I'm sure of it.